If you think it gets easier. Honey, it only gets harder

I like that title. idk it just came to. I think ik that from somewhere.. idk if u kno tell me..

but anyways i need something to for a week. So i might just write a fanfic since all ive been doing is Watching the second season of true blood over and over again. it gets better everytime. Eric Is sooo hot. D: i want a vampire boyfriend! FUCK! do u see what tv is doing to my brain??? Theres soo many vampire series! True Blood, Twilight series, In september theyre Gonna show the Vampire Diaries series (which is good. i read the books) Television today is poisioning the minds of little teenages making them think A Vampire boyfriend is just gonna walk into a bar, or wait outside in his shiny volvo waiting for u, or be the new kid in school who u want badly WHO ends up being a vampire with a HOTTER vampire brother. like wtf. Im sick of Hearing about vampires.

They dont exsist. Why tempt me to think they do? I mean we would all love it if a guy came up to us and showed us his fangs but come on. Dont tease us damnit!

And another thing I hate it when a guy totally hates on the series i like. WTF! im sure guys will like true blood too! Shit that whore sookie is always freaking naked! (btw i think its rated m or r)

lol. but anyways i think i should write a fanfic. idk yet. But all ik is its getting late and its getting hot and im tired and my butt hurts :[

So message me with what u think.

                           AND WATCH TRUE BLOOD. EVERY SUNDAY ON HBO AT 9PM EST( i think i did that right? idk)

good night everyone! Love ya alll :D

I used to be that girl he called beautiful And that girl he wanted to be with. He used to be that gay i told all my friends Me and him would end up dating. Now im the girl he calls "friend" and hes the guy i call "buddy". Hes happy with his gf. Im sitting here confused and dazed. How did we end up here?

He used to call me in the middle of the night to tell me he was thinking of me. I used to send him cute pics of me, imagining him smiling when he sees it and says Wow. Now he tells me his problems and i solve them because i care deeply about him. Now im that girl he says has a "guy" personalty. Because i joke around and im not all serious. How did we end up here?

He tells me he "loves" me as a friend and its hard to explain. But i want him to tell me "i love you baby". I used to be that girl he wanted to be with. guess he found someone better. How the fuck did we end up here?

Now im over him and im moving on. Found guys im interested in and laughing at things. Hes the one confused over his gf and other girls. Slumping over what to do. He Goes to me for advice still and all i can say is "do wat u want". Hes the one i lost all my care for. and he still tries to make me care more. He tells me he loves me. and i said "i love you friend" and it makes him feel akward. I lost all feeling for him. and sometimes i cant help but think what may have happened if we were in a relationship but i shrug that thought off. Everyday he waits for me to reply to him on im. But i ignore him. I hope hes sitting there wondering "How did we end up here?"

Girls: dont let a friendship get in a way of ur feelings. TELL HIM HOW U FEEL. or ull end up like me. You will never kno what maybe happen between u and a guy frien. if u like um u like um. u cant stop urself.

Guys: Dont be an asshole. You like a girl , tell her. doesnt matter if u have a girlfriend. Guy's hints are easy to decode like a girls. Dont play games. You may never kno what may happen if u stop being a pussy and tell her.

"i used to be love drunk but now im hungover"

<3 Maria Elizabeth Depontes

ok well my sister is going away on vacation and she wants me to watch her house. I have nothing but her t.v, wii, laptop, and my cell phone to keep me occupied. sooooooo i decided to blog about it cuz imma dork. Tomorrow (or shall i say later today) im going to block island.. i have no friggin clue what it is but imma call it LEGO LAND! (inside joke) xD

So i havent blogged in like.. months. soo i bt u guys r wondering about my life. no? well imma talk about it anyways. It is fucking boring.

this summer has been nuttin but RAIN. I HATE IT!

oh and when did guys get so obsessive?? like woah buddy. take a fuckin chill pill. One of my exs.. told me he loved me... the other one told erica im the only thing that keeps him happy (i mustve dated these guys for 3 days) my other ex (who i dispise and hate with a fucking passion) asked erica how i was doing and shit. like wtf. why do guys get so obsessive about me? im just a girl. thats it. im not the nicest girl. im not the prettiest girl and my personality can suck at times. so why all the obsession??

my family coming along great (for once) liz is married and moving out soon. Karen is on new meds so shes calm now. my mom is getting better at getting used to the older me. well with me.. Im just living. Chad is pissing me off. And twinkkys a stalker. Umm.. besides that i still got the bestest friends. Which includes : vicki, lauran, erica, Erin and kendra.

OH! and erica kissed her first jew xDD its funnier from my point of view. (all day she was jumping saying she kissed a jew)

I burnt my hand straightening my hair today it fucking blows man.

OHHHHHH and i went to see AC/DC in concert. fucking awesome. I might go to cruefest with my step dad.

I need new texting buddies .. my friends take too damn long to reply. message me if u wanna text.

<3 Dazed and confused ,

Maria Madness

p.s its 3 am and i needa wake up at 7.. think i can make it? i hope so.

wow well i havent been on buzznet in awhile. xD its weirdddd. ehh i hate blogging about my life now. it kinda suckssss xD

well nothing has changed. rlly.. nothing has changed.

haha well im a text a holic * im getting a black berry soon!!!*

message me for number

Many of you guys dont know me and well thats ok. Im maria. IM this girl who tries so hard to impress people and at the same time i couldnt give a shit. I dye my hair 50 million different colors and i dont care wat ppl have to say about it. i love art music and fun. Fun fun fun. You cant live life without fun in it. Im the type of girl no one wants to piss off but at the same time ppl always wanna be my friend. And as ppl say it im not "model" material. yuck. never WILL be either. No matter how hard i try there will always be ppl making fun of me, mocking me, trying to be me, hating me, wanting me dead, wanting me in their lives. And im kinda sick of it. if i could id wish for one of those lives u see in those shows. U know the happy family with smiles. Eating on the table together for dinner. Smiles smiles smiles. Yea right. Live isnt how ppl make it. Its either they over exaggerate or they dont tell enough. Me i think i do a lil of both. I make somethings seem soo big when its small and when its a big problem i dont speak of it at all. Why? well idk. its just me.

I come from a family where if u show too much ur a slut u show too less ur a lesbian. Yea ik. i dont like showing off my body. so i get called a lesbian alot. WHICH im not. I like men. and matthew lush :] But the people in my life that causes problems i just cant get rid of them. Why? simply because ive known um too long. like my best friend, her friends, her ex bf, and my family which arent really that bad. I seem to attract drama. i dont like drama. i HATE violence too. i rather talk it out with someone then fist to fist. I hate ppl who try to act tough or too sweet or fake. I hate fakes. I also hate lables. Im sorry but if i am a can or a bottle. please tell me cause last time i checked i was a human being. which means if i shop at Hot Topic or if i go into some "emo" or "goth" store please Shut your fucking mouth. I dont sit there watching u go into  stores like "OMG! look at her shes going into HOLLISTER! wat a prep." like ok. i HAVE a life. WE ALL SHOP AT STORES. And last time i checked. Its my body, my money, my life. Dont sit there and call me things im not. Its pathetic. Yes I LOVE my hair in my eyes, and i like the color black and i shop at  hot topic but thats not the only thing i do. i also wear clothes from other stores. So dont judge me and i wont judge you.

I also love it when i have a cut from my cat on my arm and ppl are just like EMO! like hellloo? u live on earth still? cuz sometimes not all ppl are emo. And i hate it the most... when a girl calls me a slut/whore/cunt/bitch etc. Its like ok u just called me a cunt? now im a vagina. yea i have one thanks for pointing it out. I can understand if a girl calls me fat, ugly, or something stupid. But i am not a slut or a hoe.

Whore- 1. A prostitute

           2. A person who is considered to be sexually promiscuous

Slut- 1.a sexually promiscuous woman

       2. a prostitute.

       3. a slovenly, untidy person, usually a woman

Am i ANY of those things? no. do i look like i prostitute? no. I love it when they call me these names just because i always have the best come backs and they just dont see it coming. the best line i have ever used is. "Honey. i aint no slut because im a virgin. Atleast when i walk my vagina doesnt clap *clap*' XD its the best. I dont know why but i always get called that. and im pretty innocent next to the thousand sluts in my school.

I also have adhd if u didnt notice. its kinda noticable.  im pretty random too. and funny :]. well that me. haha.

Mood: Pissed off, tired, sad, exhausted, confused, and weird.    Music: Secret valentine by we the kings (good song)

kinda like how things go bad after good things happen and u dont expect it at all. no sir you dont. Sometimes the worst things happen to the best of us.  I came to vent like i always do when things get bad and i have no one to talk to (yes im a loser.). But what happened really pissed me off.  And ill write about florida after too. but bad things first i guess.. idk maybe it should? gah idk see how confuzzled i am? Gezzus! So let me begin with how badly this week turned out...:

So again erica never fails to make a week bad. why? well why dont u ask her? So i went to watch karen do karate thursday and this girl kayla (note who i cant stand.) , well her brother goes too. and she goes to watch him. and we were talking about schools and she was like "Oh well i got accepted to volk high. and so did erica. shes going too so me and her are gonna be like bessstttttt friends. well since ur going to new bedford high and alll..." And i got pissed off. 1. because erica never told me she got accepted. and 2. me and her were supposed to go to nbh together. So i called her and asked and she was like "yea i got accepted 2 days ago" well a normal person would be like oh kool. but im maria. and maria isnt normal. i blew up on her! she couldnt have told me? like 2 days! she waited til i found out to tell me! She NEVER fails to disappoint or piss me off. and the worst thing she couldve done was give me an explanation. like. wow. shes just really stupid! This is the reasons she told me she was going to volk:

1. "they have more of an advantage for me"

2. "they have more stuff on what i wanna be"

3."all of my siblings went there and they liked it"

4." people tell me its a great school"

5."it wouldnt make a difference if we go to different schools since ur homed schooled now and i hardly see you"

6." its not like imma get a new best friend! we'll be best friends all the time"

7."if i dont like volk ill just switch school!"

i literally sat there and was like. really? thats the best you got? ok. so to answer her reasons ill pretty much number them so u know what im talking about. ok so

1.2. umm yea new bedford high and volk have the sameeeee shit! volk makes it look prettier. and she wants to be a marine biologist. they dont have shit at volk for that! she'd have to take fucking calsses on science and shit and then do marine biology in college.

3. to tell ya the truth all of her siblings (literally ALL) who went to volk all dropped out. that tells ya alot.

4. people who dont go there make it sound great. but i know ppl who went there and had a horrible time. in volk its either your in the "in" crowd or u dont belong at the school. and its meant for A+ students not B/C students. 

 5. Ouch! that one actually stung a little. because to tell you the truth. i try to see her as much as possible and ya know it sucks being home schooled but i thought if me and her went to high school together we'd have a closer friendship. 

6. to tell ya the truth shes wrong. With me its not omg we're best friends forever even if ur not here! eventually 4 years of high school will get to me. and ill make a best friend in high school and me and erica wont be as close. Just because i know it will. Its happen to my last best friend. I met erica and then now i have a new best friend. Just because someone has the title best friend doesnt mean shes not replaceable. Erica needs to understand i dont wanna be a loner. i want a best friend in the same high school as me. dont care how painful itll be for erica.

7. well its not that easy. itll take awhile maybe she'll miss a month of school. ik i missed 2 months of school cuz of waiting for home schooling. 

what im trying to get to is my sister Vanessa started high school with friends and she was popular. Liz started high school with friends and was kinda popular to. I've been home schooled for the past 2 years. i pretty much have 2 friends from middle school. ones a guy and has a life. the other ones going to volk. who am i gonna start high school with? my invisable friend? at times like this i wish i could make a friend to go to school with me. high school isnt the toughest school but i want a friend to be there with me. erica has plenty of friends going to volk so thats not a problem for her. but at times like these i have to think unselfish because in the end everyone else only thinks of themselves. and thats how ppl down in ma are. So fucking selfish. all i do is try to be nice and give everything i got. Maybe im not that good of a friend as  i thought i was.

im too exhausted from venting to write about florida. Spring break was such a peaceful place where i got to hide my imperfections and be the real me. and it would be such a waste to write at the bottom of this. kinda like throwing a princess into a bottomless hole. haha. sounded so emo right? im trying my best to sound like it.. you know for the humor?  o_o guess not huh?

 1. Real name → Maria xD

002. Nickname(s)→ mia, mimi, skittles, retard, gah theres more but i forgot um

003. Zodiac sign → Pisces. xD

004. Male or female → umm idk. theyre calling me an alien haha jk. female.

005. Elementary → Best years.

006. Middle School → Kids try hard to be top notch.

007. High School → seems like paradise. (with all um hot guys)

008. Hair color → Burgandy now. Naturally black. 

009. Long or short →medium :D

010. Loud or Quiet → LOUD!

011. Sweats or Jeans → Jeansss

012. Phone or Camera → Camera phone xD 

013. Health freak → not really?

014. Drink or Smoke? → No.

015. Do you have a crush on someone? → kinda :D

016. Eat or Drink → Drink.

017. Piercings → none but i want some.

018. Tattoos → none.

019. Been in an airplane→no D:

020. Been in a relationship → xD yea

21. Been in a car accident → no.

022. Been in a fist fight → Yes with my best friend. haha

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → ear. i was like 4 months

024. First best friend → Torie mello.

025. First award →honor roll

026. First crush → Alex costa

028. First big vacation → havent gone on it yet. going soon tho :D

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Erica haha

030. Last person you texted → Lauran.

031. Last person you watched a movie with → erica.

032. Last food you ate → umm soup? 

033. Last movie you watched → 28 weeks later

034. Last song you listened to → Starstuck by 3OH!3

035. Last thing you bought → Alice Cullen  choker 

036. Last person you hugged → my mom?

FAVES:
037. Food → chicken nuggets
038. Drinks → umm. all energy drinks.

039. Clothing → hoodies!

040. Books → any vampire ones.

041. Music → umm. all rock, techno and screamo music.

042. Flower → roses

043. Colors → lime green, black, and blood red.

044. Movies→ Twilight, any horror movies, the nightmare before christmas.

045. Positions → xD omg.. next question!

046. Subjects → math art and sometimes lunch xD

IN 2008..... I've _______
(x= you've done it)
047. [] kissed in the snow
048. [X] celebrated Halloween
049. [X] had your heart broken
050. [X] went over the minutes on your cell phone
051. [X] someone questioned your sexual orientation
052. [] came out of the closet

053. [] gotten pregnant
054. [] had an abortion
055. [X] done something you've regretted
056. [X] broken a promise
057. [X] hid a secret
058. [X] pretended to be happy
059. [] met someone who changed your life
060. [X] pretended to be sick
061. [] left the country
062. [X] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
063. [X] cried over the silliest thing
064. [X] ran a mile
065. [x] went to the beach with your friend(s)
066. [] stay single the whole year(i wish)

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Nothing

068. Drinking → grape soda

069. I'm about to → get a life

070. Listening to → fun 107

071. Plans for today → go crazy packing a week early :D  

072. Waiting for → a week to pass

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → 3 maybe.

074. Want to get married? → not really.

075. Careers in mind → csi or maybe photography?

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes.

077. Shorter or taller? → Taller. 

078. Romantic or spontaneous → kinda both. but at right timing.

079. Nice stomach or nice arms → stomache.

080. Sensitive or loud → both?

081. Hook-up or relationship → relationship////

082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → trouble makerr xD

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → yea at a concert xD

084. Ran away from home → no

085. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → no

086. Killed somebody → tried xD jk

087. Broken someone's heart  not that i know of?

088. Been arrested→ so close!

089. Cried when someone died → yea

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → not really

091. Miracles → not at all.

092. Love at first sight → no

093. Heaven → chea. thats where the partys at!

094. Santa Claus → no

095. Sex on the first date → no

096. Kiss on the first date → depends

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → no

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → No.

099. Do you believe in God → yea

100. Post as 100 truths → okies

Mood: Excited.        

Music:  Katy Perry- Hot n' cold. and Numa Numa by Ozone

My week is going great. Like really great. Even though my state sucks and  get forced by the school system to do MCAS tomorrow, my week just got great. and it all happened with a phone call. :D. Ericas taking me to florida with her family. (which is great) And we're going to disney landddddddd. She had to choose between me and her cousin and she chose me (i already knew that duh). But i go tomorrow and thursday for mcas and then its weekend for meh. I loveeeeeeeee april. its looking great for me.

Oh and i went through ericas myspace (because i can go shit like that) and i was finding ways to tell ppl how NOT to flirt with guys and LIE to ur best friend. im not mad. it just makes her seem like shes just... looking for attention. heres parts i found hilarious. (each one is differently colored so u can know what goes where..) [READ FROM BOTTOM UP!] and of course ill be writing my comments in it. i thiknk its sad the guys she chooses >_> my comments are of course in black writing and its in these (   ). ENJOY!

hey baby before you go could you please charge your phone lol cuz i really want to text you. well goodnight and I LOVE YOU TO BABY!!! :)
( NOOO I LOVE YOU MORE PERSON I NEVER MET AND COULD BE A PEDO! :D. freakin losers)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:43 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


omg tyler....ur SO MY TEDDY BEAR now lol.
but i kinda have to get off now...i have to study for the test tomorrow im making a cake and my friend jenny is down loading shit on my new IPOD and i have to get a good nights rest.

I LOVE YOU BABE!♥♥♥

(hahahahahahaha. she stole my nickname! i gave my friend the nickname teddybear. how original!)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:40 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


and your so fucking beautiful lol
(finally he spells it right.)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:37 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


no trust me tyler u r so fuckin adorable lol.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:34 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


oh ok that will be fine lol
i can wait for you :) I have been told i was perfect but for some reason they always broke up with me lol
( XDDDDD i love hearing that!!! Those two BULLSHIT lines! I can wait for you. and ive been told i was perfect. heard um a buncha times.)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:31 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


OMG TYLER!
ur just WAY to good to be true.
u sound perfect.
but maybe after we know eachother better.
idk...i just havew to know the long distance relationship guys more since they are well long distance,
(tyler dont listen to her. she'd trade u for a volvo and a klondike bar! XD if she was to find robbert pattisons twin shed leave tyler haha)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:29 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


hey baby i never cheated on anyone in my life of having over 35 girlfriends. they were probly cheating on and i never broke up with anyone they broke up with me. I love you and there will be NO reason to cheat on you baby. None what so ever

(oh please. only 35? oh please i can tell ur still a virgin. and a loser for that matter. geesh kid. xD Yea u wouldnt cheat on her with a girl. u didnt say anything about a guy.)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:19 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


hey i promise you when i turn 16 and when i get my drivers lisince i will visit you. what happen with your last long didstance relation ship? lol do you like guys long hair? cuz people say they love mine cuz its also soft
(OH YES! i love to tug a lug on them men mmMMmmMMmmmMMM. xD haha wtf. who cares about ur stupid soft hair!My hairs like silk. so HA! Suck on them balls.)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:15 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


its hard cuz like u SO much...and fuckin distance and shit.
idk if i can have another long distance relationship.
im not good wit those.

hehe i bet u r soft...dont worry i LOVE teddybear guys lol.
(teddy bear guys? what thee fuck? did u have him stuffed or something?)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:10 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


people say they love my hugs cuz im so soft for some reason lol. Oh why is it so hard?
(no  they dont. XD why is it so hard? idk u probably saw johnny depp or something. jeeesh)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:06 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


aww....ur just so easy to love.
i bet ur easy to cuddle wit to lol.
but seriously...tyler...its so hard right now.
(yea but no babies are coming outta that fucker)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 8:03 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


hey if i was there i would let you hiss me anytime you want. yeah it is hard being just friends
(hiss me? wtf? )
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 7:59 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


jeesh luigi that is SO fuckin sweet!♥♥♥
i wanna fucking kiss u so bad at times.
its really hard trying to be friends.

(she might as well have said "and i wanna suck on ur inch penis too! maybe itll grow")
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 31, 2009 7:56 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


oh lolno problem i try to please the people who i love
 

(with ur inch penis?)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 31, 2009 7:51 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


oh lol i thougbht it was gonna be lijke something reallyb important lol...not that ur not important tyler its just that i thought it was gonna be MORE important lol.

thanx for the text babe.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 26, 2009 8:50 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


oh the babe thing?
idk...i write it every once in awhile for a guy i think is sweet...hehe yea i like u tyler...ur a great guy.

(KICK IN THE DICK! XD its like "oh u called me hun. thats cute" "yea i tell that to every girl. haha" XD thats just.. wow.. she probably didnt notice it but some lil things hurt. xD)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 26, 2009 7:23 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


wow you really do like me alot do you? lol thats not a bad thing thats REALLY REALLY good :)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 26, 2009 5:45 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


hehe....it wont be to long from now babe lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 24, 2009 5:41 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


well i was hopeing you have free texting lol. And erica you are very beaytiful. no lie

(How To Tell Your Best Friend Attracks retards: They cant spell the simplest words. like he mis spelled Kiss and beautiful >_>)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 22, 2009 7:24 PM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


wow that must have been hell for you.
i dont think i would flirt wit anyone but my man if i was dating someone.
i would feel so guilty.
plus i was cheated on 1 time...it was so hard to go through i could nevva put someone else in that sort of pain.

(oh jesus! not again. she cheated on twinkky and her other bf. not including the fact she flirts with everyone when she has a bf .. just saying.)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 22, 2009 10:39 AM
Subject: RE: Re: RE


well you are special. you were always special to me. well i thought she wouldnt lie to me and she did, and come to find out she is a big flirt. so i cought her flirting with 2 other guys
 

(oh wow. 2 guys! while he was flirting to erica in the other messages while dating this chick. >_>)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 21, 2009 3:42 PM
Subject: RE:


well i understand erica and my feelings for you will never change. I gave you my phone number like 3 times already lol if you want to text when you get bord im here lol

(ok think about it. he gave his number to her 3 TIMES! get the hint buddy she dont wanna talk!)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 21, 2009 4:37 PM
Subject: RE:


yea ik im confusing.
i would really LOVE to date u or something....but it wont work.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luigi109
To: EricaExtreeeme^TM
Date: Mar 21, 2009 3:34 PM
Subject: RE:


oh alright then good enough for me lol

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: EricaExtreeeme^TM
To: Luigi109
Date: Mar 21, 2009 4:32 PM
Subject: RE:


oh i see.
well idk tyler.
its just that we r SO far away.
wat fun would that be?
i think friends would have to be enough cuz yea i like u ALOT and ur REALLY sweet and cute but it wont work that way.
maybe one day wen we live a lil closer.

Ah. this is what my best friend is all about. and im ok with it just cuz i get to critisize. xD but now im going to go to bed. The only place where i can be myself and be accepted. Ah never know maybe my dreams will come true in disney land.

(disney land should have a twilight thing. just cause id totally love um for it)

xoxo Maria <33

Team Jacob Black All the way betches!

ok so this week has really began to suck. like... suck more then a hooker with a vaccumm. Its like ok my best friend did weed for the first time and i got really really mad. weed isnt cool.. at all. so i got mad. i ignored her for about 4 days. my dog was there to comfort me tho. and then i finally had enough of ignoring her so i told her how that mad me feel. come to find out she isnt happy with herself either. Im glad to hear that she knows she did something wrong and that she wont do it again. But my moms a douche bag  so she wont let me see erica for awhile. Which is sad cuz my birthday is in 10 days. to my mom "awhile" Is more like 2 months. And then today my sister liz came home (which idk y since she left to sleep out anyways >_>) and my dog tried to bite her. i dont blame him. if i was a dog.. id bite her too. So my mom started yelling saying she was gonna give away the dog. may i tell u ive had that dog since june of 08 and well thats one of my best friends. I love that dog to death and when i heard that i just blew up. And then i started thinking of killing ppl (which doesnt normally happen..i think) and then idk i started crying alot. my family has been trying to make me cry and they found a way. Congrats dick heads.  If my mom  "puts him to sleep". i will never ever  forgive her. right now im not talking to no one but my friends. cuz theyre not dick heads. I hate this week. My birthday is almost here and everyones being a real big cunt. and idk my birthdays just gonna suck. i could care less if i get coal wrapped in birthday paper. And im going to hell. sorry all u catholics and christians. but im afraid after this week i dont believe in anything. i prayed to god for my family to get closer.. and we drift apart even more. i asked for a good week. and it totally blowed asss. its either im praying to the wrong god. or he likes messing with me. Maybe he should like my pain a bit less. cuz its getting annoying. (please dont write about how theres a god and shoving ur religion down my throat. please. i do believe in god but right now its kinda tough to.) 

The only thing i keep doing from keeping my mind off of things is re reading twilight. if only i have a werewolf or a vampire to take me away. gah. >_< i need something else tho. i already read the twilight series like 5 times. i need new books to read. and since i cant hang out with erica imma have to go to the library by myself (which i refuse to do). gah. My parents just dunno what its like to love something.  Theyre all cold heartless ppl. My mom told me she hated me when i first started cutting.  yea mom, thanks. imma cut some more then.  my mom just thinks about everything  but me.  and i hate it. i really hope liz moves. and i hope my mom stops being a cunt cuz its really getting annoying. i hope that everything gets better. but the more i hope for things... the worst it gets.

UGH! i hate older sisters. I HATE UM! its almost fucking christmas and all shes crying over is her ex! WTF! Its like hes gone. Shes very pretty. Alot of guys want her. Why not go out and forget about him? NOOOO! she wants to talk to ME about me (i hate him btw. im glad hes gone. no really.. i am) She knows i cant help but make smart comments or rude comments about him. so she decides she wants to talk to me about him without the rude remarks. like LOL! like thats gonna happen. psh. Id be lucky not to think it never mind say it. So she told me shes still in love with him and she wants to be with him and He makes her happy and all this corny shit.

Theres a catch tho. No matter how much the truth hurts. What hurts me more is knowing hes cheating on her with multiple girls that SHOOT UP. That means they share needles. So hes gonna end up with aids some day. and shes gonna end up getting it. and im worried for her. Shes my older sis. But when she gets pissed off at random things. All i said to her was why not try going out with ur friends and getting ur mind off him. it was like a bomb went off. all of a sudden shes like WTF blah blah blah. Im sitting there like yea the truth hurts betch dont it.

But its like she was telling me he's her other half. i heard that line 52302513115.3222 times outta her mouth already. Its getting old. And like seriously she can doo soooooooo much better. Believe me. Hes so gross looking. he looks like he dont even take showers. its so disgusting. And then she has the intention of bringing up my past relationships. Believe me when i say this. I dont believe i need a guy to survive every day. With me its like wanna play games? NEXT! XD but seriously. i dont cry over guys. Maybe the first day then the next day im at the mall. having fun and shit. like  how can one person be so attatched to a guy who doesnt wanna be with her? Like helllooooo the signs are there.

Her best friend nikki told my mom shes sick of telling liz hes cheating on her. Like wtf. ugh. i just needed to vent. cause its almost christmas. i dont need bullshit right now. Shes the one who keeps making herself more sadder. and its depressing. Shes really sad. Like i wouldnt get myself all sick over it. Hes not worth it. Most guys arent.

Buuutttt anyways. I know what im getting for christmas :D hahaha. i shouldnt but i do. well only some. My grams gave me 100 dollars and told me to go christmas shopping so i went to hot topic and bought stuff for myself xD And then ik im getting converses. and well a metro station t-shirt from my aunt :D

Hahaha its like 5 days til christmas. And ya kno what. Idc about bs.

SPEAKING of bs... Courtnie dates Josh.... >_< Yes.. courtnie dates josh. The kid ive known since my weird stages. the kid i liked for 3 years. went for the whore.. eh. w.e... his best friend is hooot tho xD

Mood: Weird  Music: I kissed a girl -- katy perry

MERRY CHRISTMAS :D

(to ppl who text me.. phones shut off... sorry peeps)

This week was un explainable. It gets more better as the days go on. I dont really know how to explain it. Its like My wish is finally coming true. Im finally gonna have a Good christmas. Like everyones so happy and nicer in this town now. Its like last year everyone was groutchy and shit. Like wtf! So to explain y im so jolly and happy its because today i went to dunkin donuts and i brought 10 bucks thinking itll be enough. Well i bought what i had to and the guy said it was 11.27 so i went in the car and asked my mom and she said she didnt have it. so i went back in and a dollar 27 was sitting on my 10. It was definally a head scratcher. These two guys behind me who kinda reminded me of bikers. one had snake bites and the other just was.. well.. idk. xD but they were smiling and then the lady said the guy rung it wrong and shit >_< fucking aye. So it was 8 something and i tried giving the money back but they didnt want it. Akward right. So before i left i noticed the guys Black lip rings. I asked if they hurt he said Yes. just kidding no they didnt. so i told him how i wanted snake bites but my mom doesnt think theyll look good on me. he looked at me and said i could pull it off. I said thank you and left. Like woah. It was definally a nice thing he did. And i told my mom and she said i could get snake bites! she just didnt want any one laughing at me (rotflmao wtf? like they dont already?) So yea this week is just fucking great. I wouldnt want it any other way. Oh and well One thing that sucks is Erica got caught skipping school so i cant go over her house til new years. I wanted to go Mini golfing =[ damnit. Fucking aye. Oh well. Ill go spend my money else where. Maybe even on myself. eh idk. maybe on my lil sis. after all shes my lil sis xD

But if im not on buzznet before christmas. Merry Christmas To All of ya!

And thanks for being there

      Love,

Marialovespie xx

ok so i went wondering around the internet trying to figure out if they were still together. Well only cuz i listened to their song Dear Hanna. And stuff so i wanted to kno. and i found this interesting blog peice. :D enjoy.

"In sad news, the once cute couple made up of Trace Cyrus and Hanna Beth have broken up after a year long relationship. While both have kept somewhat quiet on the matter, both have made it clear, they’re over. Both users myspace’s have changed their status to single, and have deleted all of eachothers pictures. Seems harsh, I wonder what happened? What do you think?

Here is a song from Metro Station’s EP days, Dear Hanna; written about Hanna Beth cheating on Trace in the past. Maybe â€™Hanna’ will be performed during recent concerts more frequenty in the near future. We’ll just have to see."

http://socialbutterflies.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/trace-cyrus-hannah-beth-split/

This made my day. not just because im an obessed fanb but because she obviously cheated on him before. And if u were to search on google "trace cyrus with hanna beth still" you'll get some blogs and discussions on whether hanna beth was dating him for more fame?

But isnt that what they all say? How many times have i heard ashlee simpson was dating pete wentz for more fame and it wasnt true.

BUT im happy for pete. And whatever choice trace decides to make. Im just happy that it was cleared out... WAIT! did it say trace has a myspace!?!?!? (sorry ADD kickin in) :D

I know I know. Its a little late. But hey it still counts right? Bahaha. Well the plan was supposed to be Me Erica And her boyfriend Twinkky were supposed to stay home get into costumes and pass out candy. Well plans kinda changed.. Josh (the kid i admire :] ) Came over and wanted us to go trick or treating. So i said yes and we left the candy inside the house. Locked up. And Went trick or treating. It was great. Besides the fact josh and his friend couldnt keep theyre hands off me. It was getting rediculous. I had absolutly no candy besides the one at home. which sucked :[ . I got hardly any sleep the night before So i was cranky as hell. And to top it all off Beau decided to egg a house. And hellz im not getting in trouble for him so we all! WE ALL.. Said beau u better go clean that up. And like then 20 minutes later beau goes over to twinkky and starts pushing him and yelling.. Now twinkky is like my younger brother. Yes i said it. Younger brother. So i got in the middle of it. YES! the green fairy got in the middle of it. So like beaus friend tells me to let them fight and i almost hit him in the face. It wasnt my night at all. I could be relaxing on the porch but noooooo. Maria just HAD to go trick or treating! My brain dont function right. So beau and twinkky had a fight. Beau says he won. But he didnt. Twinkky hardly had anything. Beau has a huuuge bruise on his face and a few scratches. The funniest part was when twinkky was fighting and beau was on the ground and he was like " Get up bitch!" XD I was like WTF! ROTFL! XD it was hilarious. I told erica her anger sex is gonna SUCK! Hes gonna end up pushing the bed through the wall xDDDDD.

But the night didnt end so well. I ended up just taking a nice long shower and sleep. Imma start going with my mom again. Less drama. More boys. Lots and Lots of candy. <3

OKies so the concert was fabulous. but somewhat hurtful to my body lol! So imma tell you about my whole day or you probably wont get anything . haha. so Erica got to my house and she brought me her green shirt. which i adore. so we left the house about 2:30. i got to My sisters house around 3.

 and we left at 4.

go to foxoboro around like 4:30. We were still 2 hours early. which sucked. doors didnt open til 6. concert started at 6:30. so we walked around. i took a few pics. but mostly Liz took the pics and videos.

 We ate at this mexican resturaunt. and it made me laugh. cause there were no mexicans. like.... thats like going to a chinese resturaunt take out place and theres no chinese ppl.. its like whattt?? ahaha. but i must say they're nachos were excellent!

 So we ended up walking around the Out door mall.. in the rain.... and then at 530 we went to find out where exactly we were gonna stand. we found it. the line was HUGE! and when i say huge. i mean huge... We were next to the tour buses. freezing out asses off! and we still had to wait an hour.

But i was pretty happy. So while waiting in line. two ppl from Cash Cash were going around and selling their new ep album.. but i didnt know who Cash Cash was. so i talked to a famous person. without knowing xD. So we finally go inside and we had to stand.. and it was horrible. but enjoyable. haha. so while waiting for the bands to come out i made new friends. they were nice ppl. we made plans to cut through everyone to get to the front. where i was standing wasnt bad. just Freakishly tall ppls in front of me. like hey chics shrink alittle. Have some sympothy for us short ppl! so Cash Cash came out first.


then I believe the white tie affair.

then tyga with swayzee

 I got to touch the lead singer of White tie affairs hand. Tyga jumped into the crowd and like he went in with sneakers a hat and shirt..got out with none of those xD but erica accidently... i mean "accidently" touched his penis... she didnt mean to i guess xD but it was funny. then like some guy kept touching me. and liek EVERYONE there were squished like pl on top of ppl. so there were guys randomly everywhere. some dude grabbed my tit.. i got violated in like everyway! Because everyone was pushing up together... when ppl jumped to bands.. u felt like u were being raped.. thats how close ppl were to you.So i guess some ppl couldnt take it. Like ok lady it said "standing room" which means your gonna end up STANDING the whole concert. and two Pushing is expected then. ppl were complaining. i was having fun. like Its pushing! i got elbowed and i hit some mom in the face by accident. U apologise and go on in life... dont fucking sit there and complain. Reason im saying this is cause some Chic who thought she was hardcore was complaining about people pushing. and em adn erica were in front of her, and ppl in the front pushed ppl in the back too. So i guess Liz [ my older protective crazy sister] Over heard her saying "those fat asses in the front are pushing me imma kick their ass" and i guess she was referring to me and erica.. but i really dont get it.. anyways... So liz was like thats my lil sister u hit her ur gonna go through me and shit like that. Liz wasnt happy to begin with... She didnt even wanna be there. [this happened between tyga got off and metro going on. but it took like 20 minutes for THAT to happen] So i guess they were arguing and i was like "listen hoe. dont be starting drama. It said standing room. which meant you stand.. and with standing and girls trying to get in the front to be close to the bands.. theres gonna be shoving and pushing" and then she was trying to cover it up. i told her i was gonna rip the piercings outta her face if she didnt shut up. so like anyways. i went on continuing what i was doing. cause i really didnt care. not one bit. So  Metro Station came out on stage and i freaked!

i was almost gonna faint. like it was amazing. they sang control, kelsey, Seventeen forever, Tell me what to do, Now that we're done, and Coming around. there was another song but.. i dont remember it xD and then they plaed Shake it as an Encore. At one Point when trace was talking. everyone was quiet so i screamed "take you shirt off" and he took his jacket off. then another time when he was talking i screamed i love you and he said it back! XD Then while singing he was next to me kinda and i put my hands in a heart shape and he totally blew me a kiss! i also go to touch masons hand [after jumping over chics] and at one point trace was telling us about a song and he said " this is a song me and mason wrote in his room. on his bed" i was like wooo! XD he was like NOO! not like that! XD it was all fun tho. i figured out i had the loudest mouth there! XD but im just in love with metro stations songs. and i now like Cash Cash and White Tie Affair. oh and tyga "put the lime in the coconut and twist it all up" xD oh and they did an obama song! xD theres videos. imma post um. but  no day will ever beat 10/28/08. where i pretty much didnt care how much my legs hurt. how dehydrated i was. or how goo goo ga ga i went over trace. Just the fact i saw them. and i made friends. and I have inside jokes with people i hardly know. make it the best day i could have ever had. that and I finally brought erica to a concert. like i promised. The inside jokes i have with random ppl r hilarious like me:" mason and trace are so smexxi" Some chic:"fashooo" me:"imma have their babies!" Some other randm chic: "tracson babies???" xD

that and this one chic who i didnt know went up to me and was like "if we dont make it outta here alive.. i want you to know we'd make gorgeous babies!" xD i was scared. but um.. yea still scared xD

but ik it was alot of fun. even though some dude kept grabbing me while his gf was there. Erica kept pushing every chic in my way. and i found this chic who looked JUST like vicki [xkleenxfiresx] but she had a twin. i was lie.. ok maybe its not vicki! xD. but i had a blast and its been about a day or 2 and my ass, legs, ankle, back, and stomache are sore still. my muscles ache! i need like a pain reliever xD.

Videos are in my Video place. Cause it wont post in the journal.. sowwies

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG...OH... MY..... GAWD.

me and erica are like FREAKING out. imma probably go to jail for attempting to rape trace. while erica video tapes it. bahaahhaah jk. but im so excited. theyre having signing at red robin and then theyre probably gonna rape.. i mean sing... I have the most biggest obsession with them [refferring to myspace]. but like this day couldnt have came any sooner. like imma freak if my mom doesnt get here withing like an half an hour. i gotta be in fallriver by 230! and its 2:01! like bloddy hell! fuck. i needa go to that concert. now. like god... its amazing how im so eager to go but my moms taking her sweet time. grrrr..

ill post pics and when i come home.. or tomorrow.. in late afternoon. xD ill post a journal. cause i might too tired to write before that. but imma definally post pics and keep everyone updated on and if i do infact pass out when i meet trace :]

Lush you all <3

ok so when i was 11 i was an ultimate loser. this wa
s taken before i started Middle school. please comment the journal and make fun of me. im already making up sentences that sounds like they go with the pic. i pretty much like the whole messy pics. since not everyone has seen me without make out. heres pics of me on my worst days. no dressing up. no make up. no time to look pretty.

1.[above] it looks like im either shitting on taz or im getting fucked in the ass by taz.

2.[below] me vanessa and jess on the teacups when the dude did peak a boo (long story)

3.[above] a really bad pic of me from six flags from when i was 12. even worse!

[4.below]easter 08. just woke up. had no time to do hair or make up. that is my mom next to me. shes ALSO having a bad day xD bahah it kinda looks like im signing an autograph!

5.[above] Fishing 07. i hate those glasses. again. bad day xD

6.[below]Sisterly love. i love her to death. shes one of the best sisters even if we have our differences. Graduation for her. June 08.

7.[Above] Six flags 07.  my shirt says Fall Out Boy drop it like its hot.

8.[Below] Six Flags 06. on the way there. with me is crystal. I was so innocent then! xD i didnt even have boobs!

9.[Above] At the Fall out boy concert 07 i think i had eyeshadow on but im not so sure.

10.[below] me and my sister vanessa Easter 08. i look high. and my lips were badly chapped.

11.[below] me idk where.. but my hair is horrible. i look horrible.

thats all for now. usually i take really good pics where my make up and hair is all good my clothes are so cool and i look sexy. but these are my unseen and uncensored photos. no make up. no nothing. i love it cause it makes me realize how much i make myself look good. and trust me. i rather go back to being 11 with no makeup then now.  =]

but feel free to leave comments about it. id love to hear on what u have to say about the 1st one hahaha

1.) List 20 things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2.) Don't say who they are.

3.) Wanna know who, message the person.

20. I like you so much. but since im maria and i dont do my best to stand out you never really notice it. the way u smile at me makes me melt. the way u joke around makes me smile at night before i go to bed. ive known u since the beginning of middle school. and still we're just aquaintences. and maybe just friends. but i wanna be more then friends. u always seem to make me smile when im having a bad day. u always ask whats wrong and i just stare at u and u seem to know at that point. Thats the reason i still hold on to my feelings i have for you. its because u know me more then anyone. u see right through me. you already know whats wrong before i can say a word. you make fun of me. but joking around. in class u smile at me from across the room and i automatically blush. this is the reason i feel like, i like you. maybe more then like but its not really love... yet.

19. Your such an awful person. If i could id drown u in acid and watch u disenergrate.you disgust me. You and your Whoreish ways. Your always a follower and never a leader. Didnt i teach you anything when we were friends? Always follow urself. not other whores. The things you do and the things i know about you. Theyre so not like you. I know you know better. wheres that girl i met 4 years ago? Maybe that girl wasnt hiding her shell trying to fit in. Back then you were friends with everyone. maybe thats why u were friends with me. 4 years later you change. i change my apperance but im always that girl you knew 4 years ago. A friend lost is a new friend gained. well im fine with my friends thank you. Theyre more trustworthy then anyone else i know. You are just a copy of ur "posse" that i was never good enough to get in. why ? was it cause im not pretty? or the fact i dont fuck every guy i date? or maybe cause im a virgin? doesnt matter cause i rather be a loner who stays in my house all day with no friends then someone who hangs with a buncha friends. I have limits to wat i do. I know right from wrong. Won't be long til u notice YOU make your own limits. not other people. 

18. You always tell me you like me so much. Then why the sudden change in feelings? i didnt change. u didnt change. so i thought. u were just one of those guys again. You know the ones who say i like you and act all sweet at first then when u dont date um really fast they tend to fade away from the sweet cover up and u see what theyre made of. But see cover up cant hide ur face forever.

17. Im still trying to figure out why we're friends. We fight all the god damn time then we're nice to each other. You're sorta a slut and then dont admit it at all. and then i tried to help you with all of your problems! When u had a drinking problem and even when u couldnt say no to guys. I was there. I helped u through it and then you thought you were pregnaunt i was one of the first ones to say id go with you to get a pregnauncy test. And sometimes the way you treat me is unbearable. How could a friend treat a friend that way? after i was there for you. All ive done for you. i practically took u everywhere. And then when i wanna do what i want u have a problem with it. Cause YOU wanted to hang. But when u go to her house and cheat on ur boyfriend. You dont expect me to get mad. This wasnt what i expected from you. ive known u for awhile now. and When i met you. You were so innocent. All me and u cared about was music. and ok i thought HE was gorgeous but we were so chill and mellow then. Now its like im all chill and shit and ur pressureing me to date. wheres that 11 year old i used to know? i miss her alot. THATS who i was friends with. not who you are now. now your a monster. and im afraid i cant control you. Your parents think im a bad influence on you but now im clean cut. i havent done anything bad since like june. and im not planning on doing any thing til after. but its like that girl who i used to know. shes the one i want back. Why  is it that we change from what we were to something worse. You promised me in 5th grade you wouldnt change into anything like you are now. Now your more immature then u were in 5th grade. I want the old girl i used to know. Your not her anymore. Your an Imposter.

16. It hurts me more and more to see you with her.

15. Your supposed to care for me. But sometimes i feel like im the only forgotten one. Why does it feel like they get theyre way more then i ever will. i dont ask for much cause ik u cant do it. but itll be nice to be the spoiled one in the house. i guess being me isnt a walk through the park. but hey atleast im living. but i still dunno what would be better.. to be dead or go through what i am.

14. Your the best person who i have been friend with. We both have difference but you know what we both understand we have different personalities and your still my friend even tho i may be bi polar and have major mood swings. but im glad ur there for me and ur my friend. i could and i definally would tell u this. but i just wanted you to know that o matter what ur always gonna be one of my best friends.

13. You are seriously one of the best people in the world. you are always there and always asking how i am and if im ok. you tell me things. and i listen. and i learn so much from you. you are seriously one of the people i look up to. your a great role model and ur just amazing. we seriously are great friends. and i atleast talk to you everyday. if not every other day. but still. ur always there for me to talk to. and i love you like a sister for that.

12. Your a disgrace. I taught you everything i knew and ur THIS thing now. its like is my advice too nicey nice for you or something? its not like i was teaching you life lessons. i was only referring that you... you turned into the poeple u made fun of. you are this person who i wish i could say i reconize but i dont. you totally are  just .. just like them. the girls u made fun of. the girls we used to laugh at in the halls because they showed cleavage or theyre skirts were to short. I bet if i asked you about the time we drew pictures of my wedding and how my groom was gonna look u wouldnt remember. but i do. i remember everything. good bad and the hurtful. all of those hurtful things u told me. they seriously hurt me to the point where i couldnt take it. it felt like no only they were stabbing me in the back but in the heart too. But its ok. your not the only one whohas done it. there were many. but then again cuts and stabs heal but they also leave scars.

11. You may be family to me. But i hate the way you treat me like a random person on the street. You dont notice how good it is to be you. your not the middle one in the house. i am. you dont understand how it feels to be the one everyone blames. or the one everyone forgets when it comes to getting things. Im the one everyone looks at and tells me how badly my choice in clothes is. but you. you can leave the house in a bikini and they PRAISE you. im not the one who fucks every guy. seriously. calm the fuck down. Your gonna be 18. this isnt the time to have relationships based on sex. this is the time where u have serious relationships. You obviously never looked up to her. Shes the oldest ik ik. but if u look at 19 she had a serious relationship and theyre still together. its been 3 years for them. and im glad. but you, your boyfriend only likes to get into your pants! cant you see it? hes probably seeing someone else! ik it. i can feel it. i never liked him. and it get sickening hearing u guys fight everyday. and seeing his face everyday for more then 9 hours is fucking rediculous. i hate him. with a passion. i cant wait til the day he leaves u and i get to look in ur face. and i will. and say. i told you so. just because if u ever had something to say about my boyfriend and u didnt like him. id take ur advice on it  because blood is definatly thicker then water.

10. Ive never talked to someone who knew as much as i do. and how mature u are for ur age is amazing. i can talk to you all day and never disagree on anything. besides the subject on hot guys. there we dont agree but besides that. me and u both have the same view on how the world turns. thanks for being there for me girl. your seriously the bst. even though i think ur kinda creepy at times.

9. I feel like screaming at you. I feel like bringing you to the eye doctors at times. How blind can one man be? Cant you see that she cheated on you? Since the day i told u, that u and her needed to talk and that i know something and it would kill me if i told you. She acted differently around you. The signs are there. She asked u to hang on saturday and u went to her house and waited for her. and she never showed up. Because she was with him. im so sorry i can never tell you the truth. and im sorry i cant tell u everything i know. im also sorry ill never be the greatest best friend.

8. The day u asked me what happened to the old you. i liked the way she looked better. I wonder if u remember what i said. I looked at you and said im still maria. but she thought it would be great if she had an upgrade on her apperance. u laughed with tears in ur eyes. At that point i realized how much  everyone misses what it was like in 5th grade. Thats when i met you. my best friend. and my social life. the first day of gym was the best. u complimented my shirt. and i felt like screaming that you were cute. i was such a loser back then though. You have to understand. Im still the girl i used to be. I only changed my hair and maybe my face grew more mature. but inside ill always be that loser from 5th grade.

7. Im sorry im not perfect. im sorry i cant be who everyone wants me to be. but im also sorry im not the daughter you always wanted.

6. You have to understand me when i say i really dont care about you anymore. I hate hearing ur name. And when i hear it i make fun of you just so i can have that smile back on my face. you were an asshole. and thats all youll ever be.

5. When i heard you were talking shit about me. i never believed it. well i never wanted to. then i heard it for myself. i was over hearing and u were talking about me. i guess no one will ever realize that im here for myself not to please you. Im so sorry your a fake and im not.

4. You never did care about me. I feel ashamed to call you my parent actually i dont. when people ask about you. i pretend i dont know who you are. Your the worst Parent a child could have. You call a girl who isnt urs , ur child before u ever would call me urs. pretty much i dont want you in my life. and the day u die i seriously dont want a phone call from no one. if u never cared about me. why should i care about you.

3. Im done living in ur fantasy world. WAKE UP! this is reality. no ones gonna keep theyre mouth shut and u cant fix what is already done.

2. Thanks for being a jack ass when i was down. your such a great friend >_>

1. Your not the person i know. When you look in the mirror is it ur apperance you see or this monster who has taken over his body. Your not apart of my life anymore. I hope it hurts u as much as it hurts me.

The answer to the question we'd all like to know.... but i dont think theres any way possible. like you can try to fix something youve done.. but ppl still tend to get mad.. or u still end up feeling guilty or whatever!

My best friend erica... dates my best friend Justin [[aka the hostess man/twinkky]]. well they've dated on and off before about like 4 times. but then like 3 days ago. i got um back together. cause erica was sure she likes him and twinkky always has liked erica. well... this weekend she went to jade"s [her cousin] house. I , for one, hate going there. for only one reason : the guys try to ruin ur life. the guys there.. are no good.. like seriously. im still trying to figure out why this dude wont show his face. why kahmen doesnt have any facial expressions at all, and does richard like me or not. Richard tried kissing me once and like i still dunno if he likes me. or just wants to get with a girl. ok. heres the story about erica. well like i said she was at jades house. and jade is more like a inside house person. so she told erica she could go outside and hang with the guys for a little while. well i guess erica [like a retard] didnt bring a sweater. and she was wearing a tank top. and it was like 32 degrees outside. like a dumbass she goes outside. well i guess something happened and she ended up cuddleing and making out with richard. which made her feel guilty inside. now twinkky is also my best friend. and i love him to death [like a brother] . and she told me not to tell him. but she also doesnt wanna keep it a secret. so its like... what do i do? do i keep my mouth shut and just continue what i was planning? or do i tell him and end up loosing a friend, a concert buddy, a trick or treat buddy, and a bus buddy?

it gets so frustrating when ur in the middle. its not a pleasant place to be. and well i feel bad cause the guilt ate her up inside and she started to cry and she even called me a better girlfriend then her [idk what ex shes talking to O_o] and like i feel so bad for the both of um.. maybe i should try to sneak outta the middle. but what if twinkky finds out i knew? he'll be so mad at me that well... i cant lose him as a friend. they both mean alot to me. and even tho im such a loser they're always there for me. nd i should be there for the both of um. but in this situation idk how. caught up in the best friend drama sucks.

but it sucks even more to know that guilt is eating up one of um. and  ik what it feels like to be really guilty of something. when guilt eats u up. u hardly ever get spit back out alive....

ok. so im the dumb one who decided to hang out at ericas house on halloween and pass out candy.. sounds fun right? negative. the guy who i have a crush on for the longest time is going. and of course i wanna impress him! Erica and Twinkky werent gonna dress up. but im secretly making them a gothic couple without erica knowing that im dressing up twinkky. and twinkky not knowing im dressing up erica. its my own lil way of getting them to go out! haha. but like i was saying.. i have lime green comb in hair dye that comes right out. and the reason its lime green and not any other color is because i decided to be a lime green fairy. xD haha. it was my sisters idea of making me into a "prep" its really short and it shows alot of cleavage [[ thank god for tank tops ]]. so im wearing leggings and a tank top under it. the problem is i wanna put the green in my hair. i had soo many ideas but none of them are gonna fall through. im thinking of tips and bangs all green and the rest black or the whole head green. but i wanna look good. not really stupid. you know what im talking about. it looking like i just dipped my head in dye and did nothing else with it! but i also wanna be creative. and since im hopeless i need help.

and i needa make some freaky foods for the party cuz im likethe chef . so everyones expecting creepy punch and food. i got the punch down. all imma do is put water in a glove with gummy worms. freeze it. and toss it in kool aid. ta da! haha. but idk what would be a good idea for this.

oh yea one more thing... twinkky and him are SLEEPING OVER! talk about an akward slumber party O_O

1. i have this strange obsession with joe jonas. i think he is the most sexiest 18 year old i ever laid eyes on. and his voice.. its soo.. gah!

2. i sometimes wish i was model thin. i feel fat.

3. i always put myself down no matter how i look.

4. i have this hugeee hoody collection that takes up my sisters and like a forth of my closet . haha theres hardly any room for my jeans.

5. i might... just might still be in love with my ex. [[not joey >_>]]

6. i stopped writing fanfics cause i decided that day dreaming was better

7. i must use at least 700 text messages a month. and thats the minimum. last time i used over 1000 text messages.

8. i have these weird day dreams that one day i will be andys sister and move in with fall out boy and the jonas brothers xD

9. me and my friend veronica planned on being rapers and raping celebrities. and shes really good with changing words in songs. so we were gonna make a cd about our rapeing sprees xD

10.  i carry eyeliner everywhere with me. and i frequently have to have eyeliner on. or id die.

11.my worst fears is/are spiders, dark corners, Clowns, creepy old men, being lonley.

12.i constantly feel like im in danger.

13. my best friend at home is a stuffed penguin and a dog

14.im a loser.  im the coolest loser you'll EVA meet. :]

15.i hurt ppls feelings all the time. expecially the ppl i care about. i tend to do it alot. when i dont mean it.

16.the biggest lie[s] i mustve told someone was i dont care about you anymore. i never did. never will and everything will be alright.

17.i hate my best friend atm because shes never there for me but expects me to be her shoulder to cry on.

18.im a softy.

19.most of my day i daydream and day dream its just fun to me.

20. im thinking of spending my money to go see hsm3 xD Saw 5!

21. i love taking photography. sometimes when im in the shot and im not taking the pic i give directions [[example the cemetary pic ]]

22. i wanna be a crime scene investigator =D [or a spy penguin.. either one.. ]

23. i think theres a prince charming for everyone but me. its either he got hit by a bus or he ran away.

24.i dye my hair 2314 times a year

25. im currently debating on why i should be president instead of these stupid ppl.

thats about it xD haha i think theres more but idk. haha

[[recently added]]

26. i seriously just found out. everyone makes mistakes. theres no point in calling someone a whore when seriously maybe if that person didnt mean it. they shouldnt be put down about it [[see new journal for details]]

27.Hannah Montana has only one point in her song Nobody's Perfest : "every body makes mistakes. every body has those days."

28. my best guy friend and my best chic friend are currently dating..

29. i love lauran and vicki. they're the best friends i could ever ask for.

30. i get talked about alot. is it cause im popular? no. its cause im DOWN RIGHT SEXAY =D. [[bahahaha jk]

31. Trace Cyrus is god to me.

32. im awfully bad at small talk. what ever happened to real conversations?

33.  i hate my dad with a passion. never ask me about him. or ill come up with this lie about how hes dead and how my step dad might be my real father. cause my mom a whore.

34. i hate my little sister for many reasons. main reason. she uses my exs against me. which isnt cool. im always there for her. she should leave the past in the past.

35. i miss my grandfather terribly.

36. i love to bake cakes =D

37.i really think that halloween is the best holiday ever. sprinkle some metro station on that and u got urself a  vacation =D

38. im very odd and sometimes ppl dont really understand me. but thats ok. i still love u even tho i may not kno u...

39.im way too bitchy , too flirty, and too lovable to stay with any guy. and yes at times i may be concided. :]

40. i come with a "Parental Advisory" sticker on my forehead. be aware.

41. i can never really impress everyone like id like to. but you know.. not everyone can like you.

42. i think i dont blog enough.. so i tend to vent in just one journal. and it becomes long =3

43. i hate being told about what ive done in the past. seriously... like fuck the past. and definally fuck the future. im living today. not yesterday and not tomorrow. i may wish ive done something differently but you know what? imma live it down.

44.whenever i go on a new website and it has the "about me" section.. i never know what to write.. cause well im different everyday pretty much. and well.. i just dunno what to write. xD